Anger and frustration are two common and powerful emotions. When it comes to processing these experiences, you may find yourself in one of two camps: you either bottle it up, or you’re quick to unleash your fury to the world around you. Neither method is helpful and is in fact detrimental to the relationships around you and your overall health and wellbeing. Lorraine Collins, qualified Counsellor, Psychotherapist and Cognitive Behavioural Therapist and registered member of the BACP (British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy) and BAATN (Black African Asian Therapy Network), talks to us about the impact of trying to hold these emotions in and how we can express them in healthy ways – with easy actionable ideas you can start using today!
Why holding onto anger and frustration isn’t healthy
Holding on to anger and frustration can be quite detrimental. Think of it like drinking poison and expecting the other person to feel the effects—hardly an effective strategy! While anger can feel powerful, if it isn’t channelled properly, it can corrode our mental well-being, consuming precious time and energy and often leaving us utterly exhausted. I like to envision anger as frustration in oversized combat boots and a leather jacket—tough on the outside, but underneath, there is a tenderness yearning to be acknowledged and heard in a safe space.
It’s crucial to remember that anger is never a primary emotion. Rather, it serves as a defence mechanism against deeper feelings like fear, hurt, and sadness. Picture a bubbling pot with a lid that’s about to fly off; that’s what bottled-up emotions can feel like when we neglect to address them. Often, when our emotions aren’t taken seriously, they morph into anger, necessitating attention from those around us. Suppressing these feelings can lead to resentment and, ultimately, to anxiety and depression. It’s a bit like boiling water in a pot; if we fail to release the steam, it’s bound to spill over. Acknowledging these emotions is the first essential step toward emotional health.
Healthy ways to express anger and frustration
For a healthier expression of anger and frustration, consider exploring various outlets. Regular physical activity, creative pursuits, or confiding in a trusted friend can serve as excellent releases. From my experience, journaling can be particularly transformative—not only does it clarify our thoughts, but it also allows us to channel our feelings safely. The act of writing about what makes us angry can serve as a much-needed circuit breaker, diffusing the intensity of those emotions, much like unplugging an overcharged appliance.
In the twelve-step community, Step 10 encourages reflection on our role in situations. By examining what we may have contributed to, we can reclaim a sense of balance and control of what is within our grasp. Mindfulness techniques, such as body scans or visualisations of how we want to feel—calm and peaceful—can also aid in self-regulation and anger management. Remember, anger, in and of itself, isn’t negative; it often highlights unmet expectations. When managed properly, it can open a portal for deeper inquiry, leading to a better understanding of ourselves and promoting healthier ways to express our feelings.
Understanding your anger triggers
A valuable tool I share with my clients, which has also helped me, is becoming familiar with your bodily sensations. Recognising where you tend to hold tension—whether in your jaw, shoulders, or hands—can serve as a gentle reminder to carve out some time for a breather.
Understanding your personal triggers is equally vital. Each person has unique situations that provoke anger. I recommend keeping a trigger diary to document these experiences and identify patterns. This practice can elevate your self-awareness and help you navigate your reactions with greater thoughtfulness.
It’s equally important to nurture emotional intelligence in the younger generation. By demonstrating healthy ways to express anger—such as verbalising feelings without fear, taking time to cool down, or engaging in creative activities like art or music—we not only educate children but also create safe spaces for them to recognise that feeling angry is both natural and manageable. We must consider how overwhelming anger can feel for a child, especially when they sense instability or a lack of containment from the adults around them.
Moreover, it can be tremendously beneficial for parents to share their experiences of feeling angry and how they cope with those emotions. This kind of vulnerability reinforces to children that expressing feelings is integral, laying the groundwork for emotional openness in their own lives.
Lorraine Collins (Instagram: @iamlorrainecollins) has BSc and MSc qualifications as a Counsellor, Psychotherapist and Cognitive Behavioural Therapist and is also a registered member of the BACP (British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy) and BAATN (Black African Asian Therapy Network). Lorraine has over 15 years’ experience working in the field of addiction and emotional conflict, as well as a Certificate in Psychosexual Studies. Lorraine offers one-to-one sessions at her practice in Central London. Email: lo******@***********ng.com
Featured image: Joaquín Corbalán, Canva
