Your libido fluctuates over time and is impacted by so many different factors. Whether you are having a noticeable dip, or are in a sustained period of sexual inappetence, here are just some of the things you can do to revive your sex drive.
Stress dampens your drive
When you’re in a heightened state of stress, you’ll be producing high levels of cortisol (stress hormone) which actually puts a huge downer on your sex drive.
Most of us are living with chronic stress, and so there isn’t any space for the body to recover and get that sense of desire back. It simply lives in a state of stress.
You need to actively remove or contain your stressors and give your body some time, and space, to relax, recover and encourage those sexy hormones to come out and play.
It’s not something that’ll change overnight, but regularly practicing relaxation techniques and creating a separation from your stress (luckily we’ve coincided this piece with a perfect article to help you achieve that!)- as well as some other helpful tips and hints we’ve aimed to cover in this article- and you’ll start to notice a drive for sex.
Space for intimacy
In our busy, crazy world, we can often end up sacrificing our quality sexy time with ourselves- and our partners. But sex, and intimacy – of all kinds, has so many wondrous benefits, including: a release of happy hormones, increase in confidence and self-esteem, it lowers blood pressure, aids better sleep, you feel less stressed and anxious, it increases affection and connection… and so much more. So, although you may feel going without seems to be just fine, there are lots of reasons to try stimulating your sex drive again.
It’s important to note that we’re not necessarily talking about penetrative sex either. For some, their loss of libido is because sex is painful (1 in 5 experience it!), but you can create intimacy and sexual experiences in other ways.
Like all things worth fighting for, you actively need to make the time and space for sex – and the activities that can help stimulate it.
Actively engage in date nights; if you can’t get a babysitter, create the atmosphere at home (when the kids have gone to bed). The key thing is to have some quality time together, away from phones, away from all other demands and to focus on each other. Take the time to focus and remind yourselves of the things you love about each other; gaze into each other’s eyes, hold hands, play footsie, gentle touches, sharing food, that sort of thing.
When at home, create an atmosphere for sex; use scents, satins, and sex toys. Active communication is key too; understand the mood you’re both in and the kind of sex you want to experience.
As for making time, block out different pockets of time to keep you both on your toes and create opportunities to engage in prolonged love making as well as quick and frantic sexual experiences. It’ll help to keep things spicy and to help stimulate that sexual desire.
Stimulate arousal
Maybe you need a (literal) helping hand in stimulating your arousal!
Sex may be off the cards because you’re not feeling it – or haven’t felt it for a while and you need a little encouragement to stimulate those feelings of arousal. Experiment with different stimuli to see what helps you to feel more turned on; maybe it’s erotica or romance reads, pornography, or a little active foreplay with toys.
Perhaps this is something you could work on together. Check out our massage tips for couples!
Hopefully these little ideas will encourage a little more fun, but if you’re looking for other ideas, check out our related reads.
