In my last piece I wrote about the struggles of trying to make new friends and keep the ones we already have in the midst of a busy technology age. But what’s the need in those pointers, if you can’t find it in you to trust the people around you?
Trust is a difficult thing for anybody, but especially for those who have been scorned – and to be honest, who hasn’t been scorned? As soon as a boyfriend or girlfriend strays with another it’s easy to assume any future partner would do the same, and when a friend goes behind your back it’s hard to believe others won’t do so too. But it’s important for your own happiness and for any future relationships you have, that you learn to put betrayal behind you and build trust with people in your life.
Here are some tips to ensure you have the best chance of doing so:
Don’t rush things.
There is no reason for you to spill your guts to new friends as soon as you meet them. So hold back for the first few months. Fill your conversation with getting to know each other’s everyday lives. But if you’re not sure you can trust someone yet, don’t tell them things you wish others wouldn’t know.
Pay attention to how they show trust towards you.
It’s easier to trust someone who is showing that they trust you, so watch out for signs that that’s starting to happen and it will help you understand when and how much you can trust them with in return.
Show people they can trust you.
The best way to get people to be loyal and trustworthy to you is to be trustworthy to them. Be honest, help them when they need you and soon you will get the same in return. If somebody knows they can confide in you, they are more willing to be good to you.
Make time to put effort into your relationships.
If a new friend or partner can see that you put in time with those you are already close with, they are more likely to trust that they can count on you. So don’t prove them wrong.
Always ensure your actions match your words.
There is no use giving somebody your word that you will help them through a tough time or with a difficult path if you have no intention of doing so. Not only will it diminish any chance of trust between you, but it could actually lead to making matters worse for your new friend and cause some upset that I’m sure you wouldn’t want to do.
Always remember when building trust with people, whether it’s someone new or the need to rebuild, it is vital that you are always open and honest about your feelings. There is no use feeling unhappy with something that they have done or how they have handled something between the two of you, because that will only lead to them feeling as though you’ve kept things from them. How are they supposed to trust you’re always going to be honest with them, if you’re not? Don’t be afraid to rock the boat, it will only make matters worse.